My Grandma Marilyn

This week we said farewell to my angel Grandma Marilyn. Our feelings have been nothing short of bittersweet. The sweet because we know she is no longer in pain and constrained by her weak body, that she is reunited with her two daughters who died, and reunited with Grandpa Albert and Grandma Rosemary. The bitter because she was such a remarkable gift to us all and there is a void because she is no longer with us. Everyone in our family feels that 76 is too young to be in so much pain and because of that have life cut short, particularly for someone as wonderful as Grandma was and is. But i have so much trust in the plan of our Heavenly Father. He was aware of her and shaped her into such a remarkable woman, one who I look up to in so many ways.

It has been interesting talking to people about her this past week. In some people's minds, the fact that she was a step-parent/step-grandmother makes the loss seem less devastating. But nothing could be further from the truth. When she married my sweet grandpa in 1987, she stepped into the role of mother and grandmother with the motive of love and understanding. When she and my grandpa came back to his home for the first time after they got married, there was one picture of Grandma Rosemary in his study. My grandpa, out of not wanting Grandma Marilyn to feel awkward, was about to put the picture away, but Grandma Marilyn told him that she needed to remain a part of this family. they celebrated her birthday whenever it rolled around. She never hesitated to sit down with each of us grandkids and tell us stories about Grandma Rosemary. When my own mother felt doubts of her capabilities as a mother, Grandma Marilyn lovingly talked through the difficulties with her and instilled her with confidence. She had every desire to just give her time and love to all of us, not expecting anything in return. She gently molded my grandpa into the grandpa he needed to be for us. I don't think we would have some of our favorite memories with him without her facilitating them.

I love to sit and think about all of my memories with her. I think of all my grandparents, I related to her the most. We both had a love for painting and it was her that fueled my love of watercolor painting. Every other month or so, she and Grandpa would have each of us over for our own individual sleepover. She and Grandpa would pick me up in his maroon Buick with the red velvet seats. We would go have dinner at the Pie pizzeria, stuff ourselves, and then go back to their home in the avenues. They would play games with me and then we would all indulge in some raspberry sherbet, a treat she ALWAYS had on hand. They had a special bedroom reserved for me. I would wake up to delicious homemade pancakes that she kind of panfried in oil. So it was more like a pancake-donut;) (Grandma and I shared a similar love for a little bit of indulgence!) She would then do anything I wanted to do. Some days it was painting. Sometimes it was going on a fun outing. one time she told me to bring my rollerblades and to my surprise, we arrived at Liberty Park and she brought her own rollerblades so she could go with me! Knee pads, wrist guards, elbow pads, helmet and all! I think part of me was a little embarrassed that my Grandma was rollerblading, but I think the bigger part of me was thinking "My grandma rocks!" I love thinking back on our sleepovers. The fact that she did those with every grandchild who lived nearby on a regular basis is amazing to me. She gave such dedicated attention to each of us in conversation and she made sure she could be at all of the important and even not-so-important events in our lives.

She made Sunday dinners really special. Their home was so fun to go visit. It was a multistory Victorian in the Avenues, complete with a turnkey doorbell. She would open the door to greet us and immediately you were sucked in by her smiley eyes, hugs and the glorious smells of her cooking. Chicken and turkey were the usual main courses, complete with her homemade gravy and mashed potatoes. I think there was a whole pound of butter in her potatoes. I also think there were several sticks of butter in her homemade rolls. Oh the delicious rolls! And the table spread was always perfection. Lace tablecloths with china and crystal goblets, and even butter that she had put in decorative molds. She just had a way of making us all feel like royalty when we came over for dinner.  After dinner, she was always game to come play with toys with her grandkids. And of course, the meal is incomplete without raspberry sherbet on cake cones and picking out a candy from her ceramic gingerbread house before we left.

Her sense of humor was infectious. She had the most beautiful laugh and a smile that just made you smile and feel happy. My grandpa was a rather serious and dignified man, and she had the most gentle way of lightening him up a little bit. Having been single and independent for some years, she could hold her own opinions and share another point of view without injuring or belittling him. I remember when my grandparents were over to visit about 10 years ago, and I was sharing with Grandpa about a rather embarrassing karaoke experience my mom had had on a cruise ship with my dad's family. He was giving my mom the "a daughter of mine wouldn't do such a thing" look, but my grandma just chuckled and told my mom she admired her courage and guts! I also remember a time when Jess and I were invited to come to the Inn at Temple Square Restaurant with my parents and her and Grandpa in between conference sessions. The rolls were sooooooo good! I was sitting my grandma and we both were plotting about how we could sneak any extra rolls home. She took a cloth napkin from the table, wrapped the rolls up, and put them in her bag. "Bethany, I'm not stealing. I will borrow the napkin and bring it back to the kitchen myself tomorrow!" And I think she did!

She was spunky! I think her spunk could really be seen on our one-on-one time, when neither of us really needed to be dignified. I was about 19 years old when she offered to come with me to pick out a pair of new heels to wear for my parents' anniversary party. We went to TJ Maxx, and I pulled down a pair of peep-toe black pumps. I put them on, and she said to me "Now those are sexy! You HAVE to get them!" I still have them and will never give them away.

 I think that was another gift of hers. She could relate to you on every level, whether it was your need to play pick-up sticks when you were 5 or sit down and talk grownup stuff when you were 20.


Today I gave a lesson in Relief Society about Christ and what the miracle of the Living Christ can do for each of us in our lives. Grandma's challenges were so hard and it seemed there was never an end to them. Dealing with a painful first marriage and getting the courage to leave it and take her 5 children across the country to start with a clean slate. Having to support these kids with no assistance of alimony or child support. 6 months later, getting into a tragic car accident that took the lives of her two youngest daughters and left her and her other kids with life-changing injuries. Dealing with the challenges of a blended family. Dealing with chronic fatigue, and later dementia, Parkinson's Disease, and lack of mobility. Feeling the loneliness that comes with failing health and being without a spouse in the last years of her life.

 I think to the outside world, her life would seem unfair and unjust. But Grandma was the perfect example of a heart made more tender and loving because of her experiences. My mom shared with us that when Grandma drove her kids from Miami to Arizona, she felt so burdened down by what lied ahead. Her children were not happy to have to move, and I can imagine she was wondering how she could ever do this alone. After putting them to bed, she went into the bathroom and knelt in prayer. She poured out her heart and told Heavenly Father that if He could help her get through this, she would dedicate her life to Him. She offered the same prayer after she lost her two daughters. Rather than feel bitter about her trials, she allowed the Atonement of Christ to change her heart and give her a greater capacity to love. If there is an attribute that I would associate with her, it was her ability to listen and understand what you were going through. It made her such a gifted counselor to hundreds of families and individuals. It also made her the perfect grandmother and the perfect confidant. I know that she understood the role of Christ in her life. She went on to exemplify His love and compassion in every way, in fact, it was her life's mission.